Sunsets and Sinuses

Oy! Since I've been in San Carlos, the mornings have been far and few between where I haven't opened my eyes first thing in the morning and thought, "Ugh, I feel like crap!" With the exception - oddly enough - of when I slept on the couch for four days when my friends were here. Usually within two or three hours of getting up I feel human again. I am disappointed that as the weeks in San Carlos trickle away, I am feeling worse instead of better. One of my primary hopes when I came down here was to get some rest and increase my overall stamina. Unfortunately, that seems to be going in the other direction. It is mainly the fibromyalgia and the sinuses at issue. It is starting to color my memories on my overall experience in Mexico. It seems every week has had a minor health challenge of some sort.

I went to the doc yesterday for my sinuses and ear. I am still really hoping to continue scuba, but not if I feel the way I do this morning. He cleaned my ear and gave me a prescription. Without going into detail, I was mildly unhappy with some of what I experienced in his office, mainly his western medicine "the drugs will fix it" approach, and minor sanitary issues that caught my eye.

But enough whining! On the other hand there are pelicans, frigates and my Pollock Pines friend the turkey vulture who flies by my window daily, There's the kayaking, and the birds, the birds, the birds. There's Frances on her daily beach walks. She loves the estuary beach. When it's time to leave the beach I always have to be really firm with her. And of course, the desert. I'm in the desert. I love the desert in winter.

And then there are the sunsets.


The sunsets are always beautiful and several times a week downright spectacluar.


Like the pelicans, I find myself taking way too many photos of sunsets.


A wonderful thing has happened since being here. I have a life long pattern of over thinking problems. When life presents a challenge, I think it to death. I mentally review the situation over and over and over and dry myself crazy. My thoughts go in circles repeating the same scenario in my mind, endlessly.


Needless to say there have been some things that have occurred since being down here that are worrisome. So when that happens and I feel like I need to think it through, I go to the beach... and then...


...and then I walk for awhile with Frances, and I watch the pelicans, and the sunsets, and listen to the waves and the birds.


After awhile I realize that I haven't done my "thinking." The problem that I came to contemplate has not been on my mind. Yet at the same time, I feel like I have resolved the problem without thinking about it. Especially those problems where you have no control, where this is no real "solution." It has happened several times. Dare I hope that I've broken my life long pattern of over worrying and over thinking.


It seems to have happened effortlessly. Maybe it's the peacefulness of the outdoors. Maybe when I see a sunset, a bird in flight, or my best friend Frances with bright eyes and a long tongue, I realize that the one who created these spectacular visions, is the one in control of the universe. Maybe when I hear the low scratchy squawk and awkward body of the Greater Egret take flight, I know that there is a perfect plan, even if I can't completely comprehend or know what that plan is. When I hear a playful "woof" from Frances, the laughter of the orange billed sea gull, and the weird call of the blue heron, my brain is too full to worry about things I can't fix. Maybe the smell of the sea, the salt, the kelp and fish help clear my sinuses!


And although I have long known these things, maybe finally, the knowledge now resides in my heart instead of just my head. And there is peace. And as I walk to my car, I realize that without doing any thinking, I have a solution, or at the very least, the peace to deal with the uncertainty of situations that have no solution.


Soon I will be living in a suburban environment for awhile. I will make a conscious effort to get outside daily, even just for a few minutes, into the sun, or the clouds, or the rain and the storm. I will remind myself that in truth, I have control over nothing, but that's OK, because the one that DOES have control, is all knowing and wise.

Having written all of this, suddenly my day looks calm and clear. Even though I don't feel that great, it's all OK. I'm going to take my scuba homework and Frances and sit at the beach and read today. I'll do what I can and not worry about the rest. I get so much more done while sitting in the sand, than sitting at a desk or under artificial light.


Maybe it's time to get out the air mattress the sleeping bag!